Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Sleepy Smiles...

Last night I had a know, the kind where you remember to take stock in what is right in your life and try to leave behind all that mundane stuff you were stressing about just moments before.  We have been plagued with illness for the last 2 months.  With X-man starting his first year of pre-school, our immune systems are all being tested.  Our little petri dish goes off to play with all of those other little petri dishes and we all end up hacking up a lung or puking our guts out.  Sounds fun, doesn't it? I, myself, have been particularly unwell the last few weeks, mostly through no fault of X-man's, though, as I had a severe allergic reaction to some antibiotics that I had been on and then a week later, this past Friday, ended up with another unexplained fever leaving me miserable once more.  I lamented to my mom and husband after 4 days of the crud that I was having a hard time finding that Christmas spirit this year, or finding any light ahead at all, knowing that even IF I would survive this particular bout (yes, sometimes even I can be a drama queen) that there would be more crud lurking around some unexpected corner at some surely most inopportune moment.

Well, Tuesday I finally felt better and was trying to pep-talk myself out of the bah humbugs and then bedtime for the kiddos rolled around last night.  I snuck off into Jilly's cozy little room to feed her one last time before bed.  We snuggled in the rocker in the dark room and I strained to see her sweet little features to the tiny dim glow of a night light across the room.  She finished off and seemed to wiggle into me as I could barely make out that familiar milk drunk stare up at me.  Every Mommy bone in my body told me, "lie her down when she is drowsy...better not rock that girl to sleep!" I couldn't help it in the moment, though, feeling that chunky, little body snuggling so into me it was as if she was trying to become one with my belly again.  I had been looking so intently trying to tell what her eyes were doing...were they still open...maybe a little...that I hadn't noticed the big grin that rested behind her binky I had quickly popped in when the milk had run out.  I focused intently on that smile until she had "that moment"...haven't you had it?  That moment when you are resting your head on that perfect pillow, in your perfect bed and your world is perfect and blissful and it's not until you just start crossing into that state between consciousness and unconsciousness when you feel your whole body relax and it's THAT moment when your cheeks and lips suddenly go limp that you realize you had been smiling all along.  The best of days end that way.  When I saw sweet Jilly's little smile fade that way, it nearly brought tears to my eyes (OK, maybe "nearly" is understating it a bit).  To know that she felt so content in my feel that kind of bliss and fall asleep so happily for a moment so seemingly routine to me, reminds me that I need to find such joy in the little moments (I certainly did in this one).

SO...this is a BIG Merry Christmas to everyone!  I am going to love on, kiss and enjoy my sweet little family, sick or well and eagerly get caught up in the contagious joy my kids are oozing right now!  Consider it done! :)